Somewhere in the past lies my future
by KGStutts
Summary: (a/u) Catrina Phillips met Dean Ambrose when they were both sixteen, but was separated by her family. First loves never go away but is their relationship really in the past? Or does Dean still move like shadows in her heart? (Rated M for sex, language, and occasional disturbing imagery)
1. Chapter 1

_"Hey, Cat, wait up!" I heard a voice call behind me._

_I turned to see one of the boys' I was playing baseball with running toward me._

_"You heading home?" Carlos asked._

_"Yeah, it's not far," I said._

_"I'll walk you."_

_I smiled graciously, adjusting the bag that had my baseball gear in. The catcher's gear was heavy, but I wouldn't let him carry the over-sized bag. _

_"You just moved here from Texas, right? How are you liking it?"_

_In truth, I wasn't. My dad was transferred from Houston to Cincinnati in June. I wasn't looking forward to starting a new school year with a bunch of kids I didn't know, but playing ball helped me get introduced to the neighborhood. _

_"It's alright. Different," I elected to say._

_I was counting down the days until we would move back to Houston. Dad promised I would begin my senior year in my old high school. Just one year, he promised me. One was more than enough._

_Carlos walked with me until I started down an alleyway._

_"Cat, not that way," he shook his head._

_"No, it's okay. This is a short cut," I insisted._

_"You don't want to go that way. There's a gang who hangs out down there."_

_I rolled my eyes. Surely he had to be joking. _

_"I'm serious, Cat. Let's go the long way."_

_"You go. I'll be fine."_

_"Suit yourself."_

_It didn't take me long to wish I had heeded Carlos' advice. I had been walking for ten minutes when I heard the sound of men laughing and cheering. I ducked behind a dumpster, peaking around a corner._

_Sure enough, it looked like two guys were beating up a teenager. I turned to head back the opposite way, but was suddenly face-to-face with two burly men._

_"Look what we gots here. Did the little bird lose her way?" one of them called to me. _

_I slowly unzipped my bag and pulled out my baseball bat. _

_"I just want to get home," I said._

_"Don't we all, little bird. Don't we all," the other licked his lips. _

_"Bring her over here and let's have some fun," one of the guys behind me called. _

_I swung my bat, making them chuckle. _

_"Oh, you have some fire. I like that," one of the thugs ran his tongue across his yellowed teeth. _

_I did the only stupid thing I could think of. I attempted to run. I turned as fast as I could, but was caught by one of the guys beating on the teenager._

_"Where do you think you're going?" I was asked as I was thrown into the wall, dropping my bat in the process. _

_"Leave her alone!" I heard someone shout._

_Several guys chuckled. "Aww, did we stumble across Dean's little bird? Is that why you were here?" the guy snarled in my ear, ripping at my baseball shirt. _

_"Leave me alone," I shoved hard against his chest, but he didn't move._

_I cried out in shock and pain as he grabbed a fistful of my hair, jerking my head to the side. Teeth scrapped against my skin as fingers bit into my flesh._

_"You are a pretty young thing, aren't you?" _

_"What would you say, Cal? She can't be more than sixteen."_

_"Is that right? Are you as flawless as you look?" _

_I cried as more of my shirt was ripped. I closed my eyes, not believing what was happening to me. _

_I heard one of the attackers cry out and suddenly I was free. _

_"_Run!"_ someone grabbed me by the hand and jerked me from the wall. _

_We bolted down the alley, and thankfully the gang either gave up pursuit or couldn't keep up. My savior pulled me to the stop next to a swing set in the park near my house, both of us gasping for breath._

_"Th-thank you," I said. _

_"Are you okay?" _

_I turned into the bluest pair of eyes I had ever seen. He looked about my age, with dirty blonde hair that hung passed his eyes. He was skinny and bloodied, but right now was looking at me in concern._

_I looked down and could see why. My shirt was in tatters and blood was splattered on my jeans. Thankfully it wasn't mine. _

_"Yes, thanks to you. I'm Catrina Phillips. Friends call me Cat."_

_"Dean Ambrose," the boy flashed me a grin. _


	2. Chapter 2

The sun started to shine through the curtains in the hotel, waking me from my dream. It was the third night this week that I had the dream where I met Dean.

Was that really twelve years ago? Sometimes it felt like yesterday. Sometimes it felt like a lifetime ago.

I rolled over and pushed back the covers. On the road, I share a room with AJ Lee, but she must've gone on already to the gym.

Dean. I closed my eyes as the hot water from the shower sprayed me in the face. I can still see his tear stained face as we said goodbye for the final time.

We were just kids, but at sixteen, we both thought we knew everything. First love...does it ever go away? A part of me hoped not.

I ate a quick breakfast and met up with my best friend, and off-again, on-again boyfriend, Seth Rollins for a workout.

"You look like you haven't slept," Seth noted as I stretched.

"You can say that," I told him.

He watched me warily for a moment before running a hand through his long black hair.

"You dreamed of Dean again, didn't you?"

"I hate how well you know me," I sighed.

"Come on, Cat, after eight years, I think I know you better than anyone."

"And I'm lucky to have you," I told him with a grin, picking up free weights.

"Don't you forget it," Seth said with a wink.

I really don't deserve him. I met Seth several years ago on the outskirts of Des Moines. I started a new life when I met him. We've been everything together and we were signed to a WWE contract around the same time too. Life of a wrestler wasn't easy, but Seth's loving and easy going nature makes things better.

After our workout, we went to the building in Philly where we were wrestling that night. House shows were always fun, but tonight, I just wasn't into it.

"I think I'm going to find a hole in the wall place and get lost for a while," I told Seth.

"You okay?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, I think I just need a drink."

"Well, keep your phone on you. We have to get on the road in a few hours."

I kissed his cheek before hailing a cab. Something inside me was tingling. Every hair on my body stood on end. I couldn't explain why, but I felt anxious.

The cab driver took me to one of his favorite dive spots, called Brewsters. Seemed like a good a place to grab a beer.

I don't know why, but I paused as I entered and scanned the room. When I saw a man in a corner booth, I felt like I had been struck by lightning.

The air seemed to get sucked out of the room. The sound left with it. I was frozen in place for several minutes before the familiar blue eyes found mine.

After twelve years, could it be? Gone was the good-looking skinny boy from my memory. Instead, a handsome muscular man had taken his place.

His eyes grew huge as it dawned on him who I was. The beer he was holding shattered on the floor, yet neither of us moved.

Of all the places in this town I could've gone to. Of all the people I could've run into, it just had to be Dean Ambrose.


	3. Chapter 3

We both held each other's gaze, still not believing what we were looking at. It was only when a drunk patron knocked into me that the spell was broken.

"Watch it," I snapped.

"Sorry, love," the drunk turned to me, licking his lips. "Hows bout I buy you one to make up for it?"

"No, thank you," I said.

"Come on now, darlin. Don't be that way. One drink, lets go," the man grabbed my hand.

"Don't touch me," I fiercely said.

"Oooh, kitty's got claws. Would you like to scratch me, kitten?"

"I think the lady said no," a raspy voice said from behind.

"Who are you, her savior? Get lost," the guy told the other man.

I didn't need to look to see Dean standing near my left shoulder.

"Beat it," the drunk said, shoving against Dean's chest.

Dean narrowed his eyes, leaning his head to the side. He punched the patron hard, causing the man to crumble to the floor.

"Get the hell out of my bar!" the bartender bellowed at us.

"We were just leaving anyway," Dean gruffly said, nodding at the door to me.

The air seemed to crackle between us as we stepped into the night air. Without saying a word, Dean motioned for me to follow him to the alleyway between the bar and another brick building.

"Are you really here? Or am I dreaming?" he asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," I said.

"How are you here?" he asked.

"I work for the WWE who came to town," I told him. "Do you live here?"

"Nope," Dean shook his head. "I was also here for wrestling."

"You're a wrestler?" I asked.

"If I touch you, will you disappear on me?" Dean asked.

"No, but try it to make sure," I said, my voice shaking slightly.

The moment he touched my skin, I felt a bolt of lightning had struck me. I was powerless to move. He caressed my shoulder, moving the straps of my tank top to get a better feel.

"You didn't evaporate," Dean said with a grin.

"Neither did you," I said returning his smile.

My heart was pounding in my chest as he bent down to kiss me. Lightly brushing against my lips at first, before thrusting his hand in my hair, plunging his tongue in my mouth. I groaned, pressing my body to his before we flattened out against the brick. My hands gripped his arms, marveling at the wonderful feeling of his lips and strong muscles.

The sound of a waitress throwing out a bag of glass forced us to pull away.

"Catrina," he said, his voice even raspier than before.

Neither of us were sure if we wanted to talk or find someplace to go. What I did know was that I didn't want to have sex with him in an alley. I lightly pushed against his chest, needing a little room to breathe.

"Please tell me you aren't seeing anyone," he said.

"Nope," I assured him.

"I've searched for you for an excruciating long time."

"I have, too. As soon as I could, I went back to Ohio but found no sign of you," I told him.

"I ditched out as soon as I could. The only thing that's kept me going over these last few years was watching you on TV."

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"Do you have to leave Philly tonight?" he asked.

"I'm supposed to," I told him.

"But you don't have to?" he raised an eyebrow.

"As long as I am in Denver tomorrow by 3pm, it's alright."

"Stay with me tonight."

I didn't give it another thought when I nodded. "Yes."

The buzzing from my cell phone nearly made me jump out of my skin.

"Hey, Seth," I greeted.

"Where the hell are you?" he asked.

"Um, it's kinda a long story."

"Well, tell me where you are so I can pick you up. We got a long drive ahead of us."

My eyes flickered over to Dean. "Actually, do you mind riding with Roman or AJ? I'm going to stay here tonight and catch a flight."

There's a long pause. "I guess not. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just need some time."

"Cat, you have me freaking out here."

"There's nothing to freak out about, I swear. I just ran into someone and I want to catch up."

Another long pause. "Who?"

"If you must know, Dean."

"Dean Ambrose?!" Seth shouted in my ear.

Dean's grin spread wide at Seth's reaction, obviously pleased that whoever I was talking to knew who he was.

"The one and only."

"Holy fuck, Cat. That's...well, I'm happy for you."

"You don't sound happy."

"No, I am. Just thrown for a loop is all."

"Same here. I'll see you in Denver tomorrow."

"Alright. Cat?"

"Yes?"

"Be save, okay?"

I didn't give a response before hanging up. Dean was watching me intensely as I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

"Roommate and best friend," I told him.

"Good," he grinned. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

We jumped into his rental car and sped toward the nearest hotel. My fingers strummed the front desk, impatiently waiting for the attendant.

"Relax, Cat. We have all night." Dean whispered low in my ear.

There were so many questions storming through my head but I couldn't think straight. His close proximity made it impossible.

We stayed apart in the elevator, not trusting to touch. But the moment the door shut in the hotel room, all was forgotten.

"You are the sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on," his husky voice told me as he pulled me into his arms.

"I've never wanted anyone like I want you," I admitted.

He very methodically removed my shirt, his tongue lightly flicked over my flesh just under the collar bone and worked its way to the swell of my breasts, flowing over the bra. He took a knee in front of me, trailing kisses from in between my breasts, down my abs to my belly button. I sucked in a sharp breath as his tongue circled before diving in. My hands went to his hair, needing to grip for balance.

His hands went to the waistband of my jeans, undoing the button and sliding the material away. Dean gave me a closed mouthed kiss over my panties before sliding up my body.

"I want to take my time to devour you," he told me.

We began kissing again and he unhooked my bra. My breasts fell into his hands as he bent down to take a nipple in his mouth, cupping my ass with his other hand.

I closed my eyes, my head falling back as he sucked and licked each nipple. Dean scooped me up in his arms and laid me down on the bed. My eyes were completely glazed over when his hands reached under my panties, his fingers finding and teasing me.

"God, you are so hot," he moaned into me.

I nearly came off the bed when he replaced his hands with his mouth. My body ached under his caress but any time I got close to an orgasm, he would pull back. I groaned loudly each time, making him chuckle.

"Is my girl impatient?" he asked.

"I think we've waited long enough," I told him.

"I think you're right," he said, moving in between my thighs.

We both moaned and stilled when he filled me. It took a moment before he would move.

"You feel better than I remembered, better than I could ever imagine," he said, thrusting deep inside.

"Oh, God, Dean," I moaned, my hips moving to meet his.

He buried his face in my breasts as my body tensed up and started to shake. I came hard around him, gripping his shoulders tightly. Two more thrusts and he emptied himself into me. He collapsed, both of us breathing hard.

I could care less about the mess we made. I curled up sweaty and sticky on his chest and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

We spent the entire night together, alternating from spilling our guts to one another and having mind blowing orgasms.

It was as if we haven't been apart as long as we have. I told him everything that happened to me after I left Ohio, expecting him to turn away from me in disgust. Instead, he had very similar stories that I unfortunately understood all too well.

I hesitated as I told him about the baby girl that my mother made me give up for a closed adoption.

"We have a child out there in the world?" he asked.

"Mom made me give her away. I found out about the pregnancy once we returned to Texas and I was forbidden to try to get in contact with you. It wasn't fair."

"You still tried, didn't you?" Dean asked.

"Of course. Which is why as a punishment, I wasn't allowed to know what happened to her after giving birth. I tried to go through the courts when I became of age, but I was refused," I told him.

He lit another cigarette, taking two puffs before sitting it down and hugging me.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that alone," he said, burying his face in my hair.

"Thanks," I said, biting my lip.

The conversations kept coming, both of us feeling the need to tell the other every inch of our hearts. It was over the moon and therapeutic at the same time. I told him how Seth changed my life and the connection I shared with him. We dated off and on but he was always more serious about it than I was.

I admitted to Dean that I could probably marry Seth and be content and loved, but I had always been searching for him.

"Same here. There were...a ton of women but no one ever compared to you. I never gave up finding you, Cat."

Dean dropped me off at the airport for my flight, promising to get up with me in a few days. We didn't care who watched us as we made out in the airport.

"I hate this," I told him. "You promise you won't disappear on me again?"

"Never," Dean told me, kissing my neck. "Wild horses won't be able to keep me away from you."

"Okay," I nodded.

He gave me a playful smack on my ass as I turned with my boarding pass in hand. I shook my head, smiling as I left for the show.

Seth picked me up at the airport, glowering at me the entire way to the building.

"So...you ran into Ambrose? How does that happen?" he asked.

"We just happened to cross paths at the bar," I told him.

"I don't like it, Cat. Not one bit."

I looked at my friend, astonished at the amount of bitterness in his voice.

"What?"

"It's been how many years and he just strolls into your life? And you immediately went to a hotel with him."

My ears turned red as my eyes narrowed at him.

"You don't get to judge me, alright? You know how big a part in my life Dean-"

"Was," Seth interrupted. "I know. But, Cat, isn't it time to let him go? And focus on the future instead?"

Seth grabbed my hands as he spoke. The look in his eyes made me look away.

"I can't," I said, taking a few steps back. "Maybe one day I'll tell you why and maybe one day...it's not that day."

Undeterred, Seth closed the space between us, stroking my face with one finger.

"I wish I understood. I wish I knew the part of your heart that you kept hidden from me and why. Catrina, I love you. And more than just my best friend. I'll wait forever to know."

Ten years. I owed Seth my life in ways he didn't even know, but if I tell him what happened in between the time Dean was taken from me and when Seth found me, he wouldn't look at me the way he was know. I knew that.

I couldn't tell him. Instead, I gave him a little smile. I leaned in, intended to give him a simple kiss, but the moment my lips met his, he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

I should've known better. I did, and didn't listen. He moaned into me as I kissed him back, momentarily forgetting I should be struggling against him.

"I'm sorry," I told him as I pulled away. "I'm just a big confused right now. Please don't be mad?"

"Cat, I'm sorry," Seth's shoulders slumped. "Of course. I shouldn't push myself on you."

_No, I had enough of that in my life_, I thought sourly. I gave his arm a squeeze.

"Come on, we have a wrestling show to get to," I said.


	5. Chapter 5

Sometimes you just know.

I knew that Seth was worried I was rushing into things with an old boyfriend, but he didn't quite understand the connection Dean and I had and still share. I knew there probably wasn't a way to make him understand. At least not without running the risk of losing Seth forever.

I loved Seth but at the center of us was a ball of confusion. I met him when I was living on the streets near death. He literally saved my life. In all the time I've known him, he never pressed about my past. He knew about sixteen-year-old me and my first love.

Seth didn't know that I've had a baby. There's a lot about that time between when I turned 18 and when we met that he doesn't know. I hadn't felt guilty about it until I crossed paths with Dean.

Even at the tender age of 16, I knew Dean was my soul mate. Our circumstances weren't ideal but we had each other until my mother flipped out when she caught us in bed together and sent me back to Texas. I hadn't talked to my parents since I moved out. All this time and neither of us made an attempt to reconnect.

"So, talk to me," Seth encouraged. "What's so special about this guy?"

"Do you really want to have this conversation?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Come on, you know you can talk to me about anything," Seth said.

If only I could. Maybe that would make things easier.

"I think it's more than a first love but I've never been able to get over him," I said as diplomatically as I could.

"That's why things never worked out for us. You were always searching for him."

"Yeah," I admitted. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be if that's how you feel. We've had some good times," Seth said with his contagious smile.

I grinned back at him. "We certainly did. We still do."

I laid my head on his shoulder, snuggling up close to him. Seth sighed, relaxing against me.

"I'll give him the benefit of doubt. For you, Cat."

"Thanks."

It seemed like an uneasy truce and I wasn't sure how long that would last. Apparently not that long, judging by the look in both men's eyes as Dean came to our house.

"Ah, you must be the best friend I've heard so much about," Dean flatly said, shaking Seth's hand.

"I am. Take good care of her," Seth said, giving Dean's hand a squeeze.

"Of course."

"Alright, you two. Break it up," I swatted at Seth with my purse.

It felt so easy coming together again with Dean. There was no secrets between us. I could be free to be myself.

We had an amazing romantic even filled with wonderful food, champagne, and a hot tub. The next few weeks were amazing. When I wasn't at work, I was with Dean. I was completely absorbed in us.

So when a woman approached us in a hotel, I was completely blind sided. Dean went white as a sheet.

"What's a matter, sweetheart? Surprised to see me?" the woman purred.

"Sweetheart?" I questioned.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Stephanie. Dean's live-in girlfriend," she said, extending out her hand.

No wonder I never went to his place. We always met up in Tampa or wherever on the road. I looked over at Dean for confirmation. He didn't say anything, but the look on his face told the story.

"You unbelievable selfish bastard," I said in a low voice.

"Cat..."

"No!" I pulled my arm away as he reached out for me. "I told you everything about me. Things that were only between me and God! And this is what I get? You sneaking around your girlfriend with me behind her back?"

I punched him hard in the jaw before turning on my heels to walk off. I heard him fall, but didn't bother to look behind me.

I cried hard in the car as the pain came at me in waves. The person I've searched for so long, who I thought I could trust...I thought the pain Dean and I inflicted upon each other was over. We had grown past that and come together finally.

Will the pain in my heart ever end?

I walked straight into Seth's arms as I entered the house.

"It's okay," he soothingly said. "Whatever happened, it's okay."

"The bastard has a girlfriend," I managed to get out.

"Oh, Cat, I'm so sorry," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

I knew he wasn't just saying it. Seth meant his words. He went and got me a beer, pulling me down on the couch.

"I...I told him everything. Things that even the darkest spots in my heart hide."

"Sweetheart, you don't have a dark heart."

"Yes...yes I do. Shadows that I..."

His lips met mine, cutting off my sentence. Before thought could intervene, I started to kiss him back. The beer rolled off the coffee table and shattered on the floor but neither of us cared.

"Let me get him out of your head," he murmured against my neck. "Let me help you get rid of the ache."

"Yes," I moaned, my head falling back.

All I wanted was the comfort I could only find in him. It may be selfish, but in that moment I didn't care. Seth scooped me up in his strong arms and carried me back to his room.

I didn't want sweet. I wanted my clothes to be ripped off. To prove my point, I bit his bottom lip which only made him smile.

"You want to play rough?" he asked, lightly biting my jaw.

"I want hard," I told him with emphasis.

"Your wish."

We've always been great in bed together, but this felt different. As much as I hated to admit it, my release wasn't as satisfying as I needed it to be. Seth slept peacefully beside me as I stared up at the ceiling feeling dirty and guilty, knowing how bad a mistake I just made.

The morning light came pouring through the curtains. Seth snuggled against me, nuzzling my neck.

"Any morning I wake up next to you is a great one," he muttered against me.

I didn't say anything as the tears started to flow again.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. I think I'm going to go for a run," I told him, pushing back the covers.

"Give me a minute and I'll go with you."

"I think I need to be alone."

The hurt instantly reflected in his eyes as he began to understand.

"Don't, Cat. Don't say you regret last night."

"I'm sorry," I said, running out of his bedroom and into mine.

He leaned against the doorframe as I pulled on a baggy pair of sweats, tossing a tank top on.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded. "Last night-"

"Shouldn't have happened," I finished.

"You wanted me. I know you still do," Seth insisted.

"I just had my heart broken and needed to get laid," the thought left my mouth before I could think.

I stopped as I pulled on my shoes.

"Glad I have some purpose to you then."

"Seth, I'm sor-"

But the damage was already done. I heard his bedroom door slam shut, rattling the wood.

The front door slammed behind me as I burst out of the house and into a sprint. I ran until my knees started to give which was several miles away from our neighborhood.

When I came to a stop by a tree near an old convenience store, I became aware that I wasn't alone.

"Damn it, Seth-"

I turned in surprise to see Dean's blue eyes staring at me coldly.

"Expecting someone else?" he bitterly asked.

"Don't you use that tone with me," I said, poking him hard in the chest. "You broke my heart, remember?"

"So that gives you the excuse to jump into bed with him?"

I opened my mouth to protest and only a tiny squeak came out.

"Yeah, after you decked me last night, I came to the house but you didn't answer. Then as I passed by a window, I heard you. What's a matter, Cat? Could the boy not satisfy you like I can?"

"You're disgusting," I snapped.

"Yeah, but baby, you loved it. Still do, don't you?"

"Back away from me," I said, shoving hard against his chest.

Dean grabbed a fistful of my hair, bringing me to his lips before knocking me back against the tree. I struggled against him for a moment before his hand dipped last the elastic waistband of my sweats, finding a little nub. I moaned as his lips crashed down on mine.

It took me another minute before I kneed him in the groin. He crumbled to the ground, cursing my name.

"Should've stopped when I told you," I said.

"Go running back to your little boy toy. He doesn't understand you like I will. He knows the side of you that you show, not your deepest darkest secrets."

"You understand because you are the shadow, Dean. I don't need to live in the shadow anymore."


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a week and I was miserable.

Seth wouldn't look at me when I came back to the house. Unable stand the tension, I asked if I could crash with AJ for a few days. But tonight there would be a party for a friend of ours, Kaitlyn, in the penthouse of a grand hotel. The last thing I wanted to do was hang out with a bunch of people, but AJ wouldn't hear of me staying behind.

"You really should come to the party tonight," AJ encouraged.

I rolled over in bed, throwing the blankets over my face. "I don't wanna."

"Now you just sound juvenile."

"I think I'm entitled."

"So you slept with Seth. You two will bounce back."

"No, AJ, you don't understand."

"Then talk to me," AJ said, ripping the covers away from me.

I sat up, running a hand through my hair.

"I would be lost without that man in my life. But the look in his eyes that morning when he reached for me...I just wanted comfort and I turned to him out of selfishness."

"I think he'll forgive you," AJ told me.

"Every time I look at him, I see that hurt. The hurt that _I_ placed there."

"Cat, come to the party. Forget about Dean and Seth and let's just get drunk and have fun."

I sighed. "You'll stay with me?"

"Be by your side," she promised.

I should've known AJ would ditch me as soon as we got a drink in our hands. I sat alone on the couch, watching my friends have a great time. Seth and Roman entered, but my friend didn't even glance in my direction.

"Holy hell," I sighed, putting the nearly untouched beer down. "Forget this."

I stood up to leave when a strong hand grabbed my elbow, pulling me down to the couch.

"Going somewhere so soon?" I turned to the brown eyes of CM Punk looking at me.

"I'm not feeling up to this," I told him.

"Feeling sick or something else?"

"Definitely something else," I told him.

"Look, Cat, this may not be the best way to come about this, but I couldn't help but notice the funk you've been in the last week or so."

"Yeah? You want to do something about it?" the words shot out of my mouth before thought.

"Actually, yes."

His words surprised me. I was completely taken aback by the look in his eyes, the infliction of his tone. He reached up and stroked my cheek and neck.

"You didn't deserve what Ambrose did to you. And in your pain, you reached out for someone to help, but he was the wrong guy."

"And are you the right guy, Punk?"

"I could be. Look, neither of us are looking for a relationship. We both recently had our hearts broken. What do you say for forgetting about our exes and just get lost for each other? Even if it is for one night."

The thought was extremely tempting. Punk and I have always had an undeniable chemistry.

So I didn't move when he bent down and kissed me. A surge of energy rushed through me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His hand cupped behind my ear, bringing me closer to him. When we broke apart, we were both breathing rapidly.

"My room is on the 9th floor," I told him.

"I'm on the 25th," he said with a smirk.

"Let's go."

I passed by Seth on the way out, feeling a gut punch from the look on his face. Why do I have to keep hurting him?

As soon as we entered the elevator, Seth and everything else left my mind. Punk's mouth was on mine before the doors shut, pinning me against the wall. It was only ten floors between the party in the penthouse and Punk's floor, but we could barely contain ourselves. Both of our shirts were discarded in the elevator, the straps of my bra started to come down. I could feel his erection straining against his jeans, pressed into my hip.

As the doors opened, I quickly readjusted my bra but didn't bother to put my shirt on. We rushed to his room, his hands fumbling for the key card.

"You aren't helping," he said as I licked his ear.

He pulled me aside, the door bouncing against the wall. Jeans and shoes went flying everywhere as we barely made it to the bed.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as he shoved me on the bed and thrust inside me in one swift movement.

"You okay?"

My hips bucked up to his in response. He grinned, bending to kiss me as he thrust deeper in me.

It was exactly what I needed. The headboard could barely withstand the beating it took. We were both racing toward the finish, my nails scrapping against his shoulders and back. His teeth bit into my neck as I wrapped my legs around his waist, begging him for more.

When we came, it was violent and made my legs feel completely numb. He trailed kisses down my face and neck, nuzzling my breasts. We laid still together for several minutes until our breathing returned to normal.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll give you the proper attention you deserve," he told me.


	7. Chapter 7

"Soo..." AJ grinned at me over her Starbucks cup. "How are ya feeling?"

I couldn't help but grin. In fact, I was smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"Told ya the party was what you needed."

"Something like that," I ran my tongue across my bottom lip.

"You're terrible," AJ grinned. She paused, taking a sip from her cup before blurting out the question I knew she was dying to ask. "So, how was it?"

"We broke the headboard," I admitted.

"Catrina!" she acted shocked. "You devil."

"You're not the first to call me that," I said with a twinkle in my eye.

"Are you going to be seeing him again?" AJ asked.

After a minute, I shook my head.

"Why the fuck not?!" she blurted out.

"Because it was just the one night. We both got what we needed and we can leave it at that."

"You're slightly crazy, you know that?"

"This coming from you?" I raised an eyebrow.

AJ laughed as she tossed me a sugar packet. "You going to talk to Seth?"

"Yeah...yeah I think I need to."

"Good luck, friend," she said, giving me a light punch to the shoulder.

I should've known that I would be seeing Dean. Sure enough, he was waiting for me outside of my gym.

"You know there are laws against stalking," I casually said as I strolled past him.

He grabbed my arm, yanking me to a stop. "After twelve years, this hardly qualifies as stalking."

"What do you want?" I asked.

"You going to give me a chance to explain?"

"What's there to explain? I think your girlfriend covered it well enough."

"I _was_ seeing her, up until I ran into you in Philly. I broke it off as soon as I got home."

"So you cheated on her with me."

Dean ran a hand through his hair. "It all kinda happened fast, didn't it?"

"That's true, I will grant you that. And then?"

"She lived with me in Vegas and since I was either with you or traveling, it didn't seem to matter. I'm sorry I hid Stephanie from you."

I thought about it for a moment, chewing on my bottom lip. "Is that it? Because I told you everything, Dean. I told you more than-"

"I know," he gently cuts me off. "And I really am sorry, Cat. I swear I haven't been with her since you. Give me another chance."

I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. I wanted to.

Seeing my hesitation, Dean stepped closer, brushing some of my hair behind my ear and cupping my cheek.

"I told you wild horses couldn't drag me away. I still love you, Catrina Phillips. One more shot, that's all I ask."

"Alright," I said after a moment. "But if you hurt me again-"

"I won't," Dean promised before kissing me.

He does know how to make my toes curl.


	8. Chapter 8

There was no point in avoiding Seth further. I sent Seth a text, asking him to meet me at the house later to talk. He begrudgingly agreed, only after I told him that it was time for my secrets to be known. Dean offered to stay for moral support, but I told him that this was something I needed to handle on my own.

"Cat, you've been dealing with everything alone," he pointed out. "We're together now. You aren't alone."

"Dean, that's really sweet, but this really is between me and Seth. He's right, I kept a ton of stuff locked away and he deserves to know what I mean when I say he really did save my life."

Dean sighed, shaking his head enough that some hair fell in his eyes. "I don't like it but I respect it."

I smiled at him, brushing the hair away. "What do you think is going to happen?"

"Nothing," he said with a shrug. "I just know what you are going to say is going to be difficult."

I leaned in and kissed him, my hands rubbing his chest. "Meet me later for dinner. Got a nice bottle of wine saved. We'll make a night."

"Got some making up to do," Dean grinned.

"You betcha."

I pulled up in the driveway, feeling slightly relieved and nervous at seeing Seth's car in its spot. I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath before entering.

Seth was sitting on the couch with a beer in hand. His eyes flickered up at my briefly as I set my purse and keys down.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hey."

"Seth, I just want to start off by apologizing. I really am sorry that I hurt you."

Seth took a long chug from the bottle, wiping his mouth. "I appreciate that."

"Seth, damn it, I'm sorry."

He slammed the beer down, little droplets spilling to the table. "Is that it?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you, but not if you're going to be like this," I snapped.

I turned on my heels, stomping back toward the door. My purse was slung over my shoulder, keys in hand. The door had just started to open when Seth's hand shut it.

"I'm sorry, too. I really would love to talk," he softly said.

I dropped my keys and purse again, leading him back to the couch. He handed me his beer which I downed half before sitting it back down. The soft expression in his eyes threatened to undo me.

"You know when I tell you that I love you, I really do mean it," I began.

"No, I do."

"You mean the world to me, Seth. And you're absolutely right, there have been a lot of things I've kept hidden from you. Things I never wanted anyone else to know about me."

"But things you told Dean."

"Because he's connected to it.."

"Cat, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."

"No, I do. I'm hoping it will help you understand me better. Or you could completely hate me."

"Hate you?" Seth scoffed, taking my hands in his. "Catrina, there's nothing you can say that could make me hate you."

"Wanna bet?" I swallowed.

"Okay, now you're scaring me," he admitted, his voice shaking.

"Alright," I brushed my hair behind my shoulder. "You know everything about what happened between me and Dean..up until my parents took me back to Texas. About a month after we got home, I found out that I was pregnant."

Seth looked at me in shock but to his credit, didn't say or do anything.

"As you can imagine, my parents were furious. I had just turned seventeen and pregnant. My mother made me give the baby up for adoption. I never even got to see my daughter, but I did hear her cry. I can still hear the cry at times."

"Oh, Cat, I am so sorry," Seth squeezed my hands.

I nodded, wiping a tear away. "The day I turned 18, I left home and never looked back. To this day, I still haven't spoken to my parents. I drove up in this beat up yellow Beetle to Ohio, searching for Dean."

"But you didn't find him."

"No, I didn't. He had moved by then, apparently with the same thought I had. My money gave out as did the car in my search for him. I ended up living in that car for a year. I stayed alive working as a waitress and eventually stripping which I hated."

"Did," Seth paused, looking for a moment like he wanted to ask a question but was afraid.

"Go on. Now is the time to ask me anything."

"You said you were a stripper...did you...is that all?"

"No," I swallowed. "That wasn't all."

With that, he pulled away from me, looking a mixture of disgust and pity.

"There's more," I softly told him.

"Serious? Alright."

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"No, I feel like I need to."

"Okay. That part of my history didn't last long, thankfully. I became a personal trainer which led to boxing and somehow led me into an underground bare-knuckle fighting ring. I was good, Seth." I said as his eyes lit up with alarm. "I mean, damn good. At least until I lost. That was the end for me. I was badly injured and dying on the street. A restaurant manager started to feed me out the back, in exchange for sex. I did it to survive. But that ended..."

"Cat," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"The city towed my car and I was living in an alley, dealing with massive internal injuries and starvation. Until an angel entered my life."

"Me."

"Yeah. You literally took me in and saved me. I owe you so much more than my life, but I would gladly give it to you."

Seth ran a hand through his hair, the expression on his face unreadable.

"Is that it?" he whispered.

"If I left anything out, it's purely unintentional."

When he finally looked into my eyes, I was heartbroken by the pain in his eyes.

"Do you hate me?" I asked.

"Hate? Of course not. I could never..." but his voice trailed off. I could tell that I was changed in his eyes. His opinion of me was forever altered and there wouldn't be getting it back.

"I knew you were in bad shape but you always seemed frightened...I never wanted to press the issue. I see why."

"Seth..."

"Cat," Seth pulled away from me as I reached for him. "I...don't."

"Please..."

"I just...I can't even look at you anymore," he said, jumping off the couch.

We were both silently crying as he grabbed his keys. He paused at the door, shaking slightly.

"I can't. I just can't," he said before swinging the door open and rushing out to his car.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm not going to ask if you're okay," Dean's voice told me in the dark.

"Wise."

After my conversation with Seth, I couldn't stay at the house. I went to the hotel I told Dean to meet me and checked in. I left him a key at the front desk and laid down on the bed without turning the lights on. Dean quietly entered a little while later, thankfully laying beside me in the dark.

I stared up at the ceiling until the cracks seemed to merge together. I eventually rolled over onto my side, burying my face in Dean's chest as the tears started to flow.

"Oh, Cat, I'm so sorry," Dean said low in my ear as he tightened his strong arms around me.

"He...he couldn't even look at me, Dean."

I held my breath, waiting for him to tell me that he told me Seth would react like this, but he didn't. Instead, he nuzzled me until I peeled myself away from him. He cupped my chin, tilting my head up and his lips met mine. Soft and sweet at first then moving passionately against me.

"I can't," I pulled away as another tear fell.

"Catrina," Dean called to me softly. "I know you've had a terrible day. What you been through was horrible but necessary. He needed to know."

"I know."

"But you're still perfect in my eyes, even more that I know your scars and the reasons behind them. That will never change."

"You understand the darkness in my heart," I said, pressing my forehead against his.

"You said once it was because I put it there."

"You know that was a lie. I just said that to be a bitch. I'm sorry."

"You weren't wrong. You went through shit."

"So did you."

"I almost lost you before I found you again," his raspy voice shook me at my center.

I threatened to unravel at his touch. His hand stroked my back and arms, sending chills down my spine.

"I'm not going anywhere," I swallowed hard as my heart began to race.

Dean began kissing my neck. My head fell back as he kissed the base of my throat. I pressed against him, feeling him getting harder through his jeans.

"You are perfect, Catrina."

"I need you," I moaned.

"Thank Christ," Dean said, yanking my shirt over my head.

In one swift movement, my bra was removed and discarded. I bit my lip as his mouth covered my nipple, licking and sucking as he tugged on the other. His fingers rolled, causing me to moan. My hands went in his hair, giving him a tug.

I impatiently pulled at his shirt, slightly ripping the fabric in the process. We worked quickly to remove the rest of our clothes, rolling around on the bed. I arched my back as he slid a finger inside me while taking turns licking my nipples. My nails dug slightly into him, my toes curling. I reached down to stroke him for a moment before he knocked my hand away.

Dean grabbed the back of my knee, sliding between my legs. We locked eyes as he entered, completely filling me.

"There's nothing better than being inside you," he groaned.

We took our time relishing each other. My hands molded to the contours of his muscular arms and back. Sweat covered our bodies as everything but each other lost all meaning. All thought left my head, completely consumed by him.

My entire body shook as I came hard, begging him to keep going.

"Don't stop," I urged.

"No fucking way," he said in my ear.

Our pace increased. I came again, completely shattering around him. He came a few moments later, spilling into me.

We stayed together with our foreheads pressed together, slowly regaining our normal breathing pattern as he slowly grew soft and withdrew.

"I don't think I can continue living with Seth," I said after a few minutes.

"So don't. Come live with me," Dean said.

I rolled over in surprise, looking to see if he was joking. He wasn't.

"In Vegas?"

"Why not?"

"What about Stephanie?"

"I told you, she's old news. I kicked her out."

"I train in Florida on off days. It's easier to be here," I said.

"Alright, so let's get a place together here."

"You really want to live with me?"

"Cat, I want nothing more than to spend every second of every minute of every day with you."

I couldn't stop my goofy grin. "Alright."

The next day, Dean and I went back to the house to tell Seth that I would be moving out.

But it didn't matter. Seth had already gathered his things and was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

"Baby girl!" I heard Roman yell over the crowd as Dean and I entered a bar.

We made our way through the sea of people, taking up a spot in the back where a lot of the wrestlers were congregated.

It only took Dean 14 hours to pack up what he wanted in Vegas and move in with me. Any attempt I had made to call Seth went unanswered. I called Roman to see if he had heard from Seth and let me know that a few of the guys were getting together to shoot pool and drink beer. Seemed like as goo of a time as any to introduce Dean to my friends.

Roman gave me a big bear hug, picking me off the ground. He grinned when he turned to see Dean over my shoulder.

"You must be Dean. Nice to meet you. I'm Roman," he introduced.

"Yeah, man. Good to meet you," Dean shook his hand.

"This is Zack, Miz, Kofi, Cody, and Wade," I introduced.

"Round is on me," Miz said. "Cat, you want a shot or a beer to start?"

"Beer tonight," I told him.

"You got it."

I checked my phone to see if Seth had responded to any of my texts. Nothing.

"Cat, he's going to be alright," Roman told me.

"You talked to him?" I asked.

"He's staying with me for a few days."

"Then why are you here?" I asked.

"Relax. Ty has him working out in the Performance Center," Roman said.

I sighed, leaning back in the booth. Miz handed me the beer which I downed half of it.

"Take it easy, kid," Kofi said with a wink.

"Keep talking and you'll be buying the shots," I warned.

"No, no shots for Cat. We don't want a bar fight," Wade teased.

"Since when have you ever backed down from a bar fight?" I asked.

The gleam in Wade's eye made me stop. Other than Dean and now Seth, Wade was the only other one that knew about my time with the bare knuckle fighting rings. Primarily because he had been there, too. I still thank what little luck I had that I never had to fight him.

But Wade knew even at my drunkest, I would never spill our dirty little secret. That didn't mean we didn't have to walk a fine line.

"Since that one time where I stopped that drunk from smashing a beer bottle on the back of your head," he said with a slight smile.

"Nah, he wasn't going to hurt me," I dismissively said.

"Get into a lot of bar fights?" Dean asked, looking slightly amused at me.

"It's the damnedest thing. Our little Cat here will swindle drunks out of money at pool or will drink them under the table," Cody said.

"Or there will be some idiot who comes and hits on her then we have to deal with either the idiot or the idiot's drunk girl," Zack commented. "It can get kinda annoying."

"My big protectors," I stuck my tongue out at Zack.

Our group continued swapping stories and beers, having a great time. Several rounds of pool and darts were played. Dean seemed to fit in seamlessly with the guys as they bonded.

"Really think he's the one, huh?" Roman asked at the bar as we were getting the next round.

"Yeah, I do," I said.

"It's obvious how you two feel. It's good to see, Cat. Love seeing you so happy."

"Thanks. Just wish my other best friend felt that way."

"Give the guy a break. You know how he feels. It's difficult for him to not feel replaced."

I wondered what exactly Seth had told Roman, but now wasn't the time or the place to discuss it.

"Just give him a little time and he'll come around," Roman assured me.

I nodded, grabbing the tray of drinks. Dean wrapped an arm around my shoulders the minute I sat down. He knew my mood was beginning to crash and was trying to bring me back up.

"I know what will cheer you up," Dean told me.

"What?" I looked at him curiously.

He kissed my cheek before leaving the table. He gave me a wink as he walked over to the DJ booth.

"Oh, no," I shook my head.

"What?" Miz asked.

"No!" I yelled over at Dean.

He returned with a microphone in his hand, pulling me up from the chair.

"Oh, yes," Dean said, shoving me toward the stage.

The bar patrons whistled and cheered as they saw me and music started to play.

"You'll pay for this later," I told Dean over the mic.

He whistled at me, clearly either not believing or not caring.

I shook my head and began the song he chose.

"Well, you're a real tough cookie  
with a long history  
of breaking little hearts like the one in me.  
That's okay, let's see how you do it.  
Put up your dukes  
let's get down to it." I sang

The drunk crowd was on their feet. I was silently grateful for the years of chorus I endured in school and could carry a pretty good tune. I played it up and had them eating out of the palm of my hand. Even had a few singing along with me.

"Well, you're a real tough cookie  
with a long history  
of breaking little hearts like the one in me.  
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case  
You better make sure you put me in my place," I sang to Dean.

As I finished with "Hit me with your Best Shot," Dean got up on stage with me. We squared up as if we were going to throw punches before laughing and hugging each other.

"Am I really in trouble?" he asked.

"We'll see when we get home," I teasingly said.


	11. Chapter 11

Time has a way of going by without realizing it. I had been a little nervous when Dean moved in, but we seemed to go well together. We fell into a routine with our schedules and everything felt perfect with the world.

Dean got offered a contract with the WWE and started to report to the Performance Center.

Seth still hadn't talked to me. I couldn't even get him to look me in the eye in the locker room. Roman assured me that I just needed to give him time and space. That seemed to be the hardest.

"But he's okay?" I asked.

"Well...you know Seth."

Right. I sucked on my bottom lip. Which means he's either moping around and not talking or he's acting like everything is okay until my name comes up. I wasn't about to ask Roman which one it is.

We went out with a bunch of the guys to celebrate Dean's contract. Much to my surprise, Seth showed up.

"Congratulations, Dean," Seth said as he offered Dean his hand.

Dean looked over at me before accepting. "I appreciate that.

"You've been taking good care of our girl?" Seth asked.

"_My_ girl," Dean defensively said.

"Stop," I sharply said. "I'm not a possession. I'm a person. Knock it off."

"You're right," Dean said but still gave Seth a hard look.

Seth tore his eyes away from my boyfriend and gave me a big hug.

"Everything okay?" I asked, pulling away from him slightly.

Seth grinned at me, running his hands up and down my back. I ignored Dean's low growl.

"Can we talk?" Seth asked.

"Sure."

We walked out to a pair of benches behind the bar that was far enough away to give us privacy.

"I'm sorry I reacted badly when you told me the truth about your past. I'm sorry," he began.

"No, Seth," I shook my head, grabbing both of his hands in mine. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that it took me this long to tell you. I was just...afraid."

"Afraid I wouldn't look at you the same way."

"Exactly."

"Well, you're right about that. But not in the way either of us were thinking."

"How do you mean?"

Seth's brown eyes looked like he could melt into mine.

"I have so much more respect for you for going through what you did and coming out the other side."

"Thanks to you," I said.

"I don't know about that. You're a strong one, Cat."

"Even the strongest branch on the tree eventually breaks," I lowered my eyes.

Seth put a finger lightly under my chin, turning so to look back into his eyes.

"You went through all kinds of hell and are still in one piece."

Am I? Sometimes I wonder.

"I understand better what Dean means to you. I don't fault him like I did before."

"That's good," I said.

"I've wondered for a while if he wasn't lurking around in the back of your head if we would've stood a chance."

"That's a very difficult question, Seth. I don't know what to tell you. I do know that you mean the absolute world to me. I need you with me."

"I always will, Cat."

Seth pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest. He laid his chin on top of my head. I closed my eyes, listening to the rhythm of his heart.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked as he rounded the corner.

Seth reluctantly dropped his arms from me. I walked over to Dean, wrapping myself around him like a vine. He pressed me against the brick building, his mouth hungrily on me. I knew I should probably care about the fact that he was trying to one-up Seth, but in that moment I didn't. I heard Seth grumble an excuse to leave as he past by us.

"Alone at fucking last," Dean said, tugging at my nipples through my shirt until they were hard.

Dean hitched up my left leg as I fumbled with his pants. He nipped at my ear as he pulled his pants just enough for me to wrap my hands around him. He was already rock hard. The realization made me uncomfortably wet.

Thank God I was wearing a skirt. My panties quickly dropped to the ground as he entered me.

"Fuck!" I swore, my head falling back as far as the brick would let me.

I buried my face into his neck, biting and licking the skin. He thrust up deep, making us both shutter.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair, yanking me back so he could kiss me again. My legs started to shake, holding onto him for support. I let go as he started to throb, both of us coming together.

Our bodies made a suction sound when he withdrew. We hastily readjusted ourselves, trying hard to make it look like we just didn't have sex against the building.

"I should go get cleaned up," I said.


	12. Chapter 12

For six months, life was wonderful.

I had never been happier than I was with Dean. For the first time in my adulthood, I felt complete. There wasn't pieces of me missing anymore.

He was doing great in the training center. Bill DeMott loved him and even said he was recommending Dean to move up to the main roster soon.

It was interesting for me to watch the two of them unwillingly bond. Seth eventually admitted that they may have been friends right off the bat if it wasn't for them feeling like they were competing for me. Thankfully, both of them felt like it was behind us.

Six months of pure bliss.

Of course it had to end.

I had been on the road for twelve days in a row without a day off. I couldn't wait to get home to Dean. I had visions in my head of staying in bed for at least ten hours before I could get enough of him to do anything else.

As soon as I entered the house, warning bells went off in my head. The living room was completely trashed as if someone had a party. Empty cans and bottles of beer littered the floor. The air smelled of cigarettes, beer, and pizza some of which was still in a few boxes, getting grease on the carpet and couch. I wrinkled up my nose and balled up my fists.

_So much for a happy reunion,_ I thought. Now I get to yell at him like a mother scolding a child for not cleaning up his room.

"Dean!" I yelled, stomping down the hall to our bedroom.

My heart stopped the moment I opened the bedroom door. Dean was asleep and naked with two blondes draped over him.

Color drained from my face as I stared for several minutes at the slumbering threesome before anger consumed me.

"Wake up!" I snapped, kicking Dean's foot.

I ripped back the covers, making the three groan. One of the blondes woke up, her eyes widening with fear and confusion as she saw me.

"Get the fuck out of my house and take your friend with you," I said through gritted teeth.

I slapped Dean hard in the chest, making him groan in pain. The two blondes quickly gathered their clothes, looking at me petrified.

"I said get it!" I said, grabbing a shoe and throwing it at one who jumped and nearly knocked the other over.

"Cat, the hell?" Dean groaned.

"The hell? The HELL?" my voice kept getting higher. "That's all you can say?"

"What's going on?" he groggily asked.

"Why don't you tell me? Or are you still hung over from your little party?"

"The fuck are you talking about?"

He looked at me completely confused.

"You don't remember those two blondes you were with or the fact that my house is destroyed?"

"What? Cat, no," Dean shook his head. "I had never seen them before."

At his words, I punched him in the jaw. He fell back on the bed but I was already out the door.

"Cat, wait!" he yelled. "Can't we talk about this?"

"How about you put on some pants first?" I called over my shoulder. At least he was wearing shorts now.

"Catrina, stop, please!" Dean grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. "I love you. Something had to have happened. I don't know what, but I swear I didn't sleep with those girls."

I punched him again, this time making him bleed. I kicked him in the stomach before running out the front door.

"Catrina! Come back, baby. I love you."

"Save it," I bitterly said as I slammed my car door.

My phone buzzed in my pocket as I raced out of the neighborhood. I didn't bother to look at it as I pulled out into traffic, making cars swerve to avoid hitting me.

I ignored his calls and texts. Instead, I stopped at a nearby park and called Seth.

"Can I stay with you?" I asked him through my tears.

"Of course! Everything okay?"

"No, not at all. Dean..."

My voice broke. I couldn't tell him what happened.

"Hey, it's okay. Do you need to meet me somewhere or can you drive?"

"I can drive," I assured him.

Once I calmed down enough, I started the car again. This time I was careful as I observed traffic laws.

But the 18-wheeler didn't. I slammed on the gas to attempt to avoid being t-boned but failed. The sound of crunching metal and shattering glass filled my ears as the two vehicles connected. Blood covered me almost instantly as I heard a woman scream.

It occurred to me as blackness consumed me that the woman I heard scream was me.

Now everything is dark.


	13. Chapter 13

The sterile smell of whatever room I was in filled my nostrils as I began to wake up. I cautiously opened my eyes, fearful that I would still be...

Where? The thought was in my head and gone before I could hold onto it.

I was in a bed wearing a blue paper gown. The entire left side of my body was taped and in a cast in some manner. I reached up with my right hand to touch bandages on the left side of my face. I felt numb and was scared out of my mind.

What the hell happened to me?

A nurse walked in and seemed happy that I was awake. I only understood half of what she was saying before she disappeared and came back later with a tall man wearing a white coat. It took me several moments before the the word doctor formed in my head.

"Miss Phillips, how are you feeling?" the man asked.

I looked at him incredulously. Look at me and tell me how I'm feeling.

"Can you speak?" he asked.

After a moment, I managed to reply, "Yes."

"Very good. Miss Phillips, do you remember what happened?"

That was a good question. I hesitated before slowly shaking my head no.

"You were hit by a semi-truck. Your car was dragged several feet before it came to a stop. You are lucky to get out alive."

Lucky. Alive. Truck. Hit. Once again I nodded slowly.

"Your injuries are extensive but I am optimistic that you'll make a full recovery."

"Okay," I could barely get the word out.

He wasn't kidding about extensive injuries. My left arm, hip, and leg was shattered. I had already undergone several surgeries to repair and more were in my future. Once I was healthy enough, skin grafts would be ordered for my face. Apparently half of it was left in my totaled vehicle. My left eye had suffered damage but he was hopeful I would regain full vision after another surgery. Broken ribs, internal bleeding, concussion...the list seemed to go on and on.

Time seemed to move slowly where I was. After two days of barely speaking, the doctor ran tests to determine that my brain had been, in his words, compromised by the accident. I could understand most of what was being told to me but I had a difficult time speaking and formulating words. It took several days before I could speak a full sentence but even then was broken.

"You've been through a lot. Maybe some visitors will help?"

Visitors? That perked me up. The doctor smiled as I sat up straighter in bed.

"There's been a waiting room full of people for days but I wouldn't let anyone see you. There's been three that refused to leave regardless of hours. Would you like to see them?"

"Yes," I nodded.

I heard the doctor in the hallway telling someone not to be alarmed if I didn't recognize them or if I had a hard time talking still. Three men edged their way into my room. The first was incredibly tall with long, beautiful black hair and dark eyes. He wore a sleeveless shirt that showed off an intricate tattoo down his arm. He looked at me slightly nervous at the foot of my bed.

"Hey, baby girl," he said.

After a moment, I smiled. "Roman."

His face lit up as he gave my right ankle a squeeze. "Yes, ma'am."

"Pretty Ro."

His grin grew bigger. "Yeah, I suppose so."

I looked at the middle one who was the shorter of the three. He also had long black hair but had a blonde streak bleached in. His eyes were filled with so many different emotions that I didn't understand.

"Come," I ordered, holding out my right hand.

He moved automatically to my side, pressing the back of my hand against his cheek.

"My Seth," I said.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he grasped my hand, bringing it to his lips.

"Cat, I'm so sorry."

"No sorry," I shook my head. "Not your fault."

"I know but if I had insisted you stay where you were...I should've gotten you."

"Don't understand," I told him.

"I know," Seth sighed as he kissed my hand again.

I looked at him confused for a moment before movement out of the corner of my good eye reminded me there was another guest.

I looked at the tall blonde with the soulful blue eyes. But I didn't get a flicker of recognition with him as I did Roman and Seth.

"Hey, Cat," his raspy voice said.

"Don't understand," I repeated.

"Don't understand what, sweetheart?" Seth asked.

I pulled down on his hand, whispering low in his ear when he was at my level. "Should...I know him?"


	14. Chapter 14

I received a string of visitors but only in small groups to not overwhelm me. Seth stayed by my side, introducing people that I didn't recognize. My frustrations increasingly grew so the doctor put a stop to it.

I came to understand that Seth and I have a very special bond. Bits and pieces of our past would come to me, making me feel safe and secure when he was around.

The blonde I didn't remember didn't come around for a week. The only time Seth wasn't with me was when he was at work and was asking for a leave to help with my recovery.

I wasn't sure how I knew the blonde was in the room when I woke up. Nothing seemed to be amiss at first glance. But I felt him.

"Hello?" I called to the hallway.

The tall blonde stepped in. He looked completely tortured. The name Dean popped in my head from Seth. He came to the foot of my bed for a moment before pulling up a chair on my right side.

"It's my fault you're here," he said after a moment.

"Accident?" I questioned.

"We had gotten into a fight and you ran out. I had been trying to call you but you didn't pick up."

"Not your fault," I shook my head slowly.

He hadn't looked like he had slept in over a week. Those soulful blue eyes were filled with pain and grief.

"You okay?" I asked.

He gave me a weak smile. "You are asking me?"

I nodded. He gently stroked my cheek but looked like he could burst into tears in any moment.

"Why?" I asked. I struggled to speak but desperately wanted to ask him so many questions.

"Why..why the fight?" he asked. I nodded. "We...we were together and found me in bed with two other women."

Tears sprung up in my eyes. This was a man I had been seeing and he had cheated on me? Yet here he was sitting next to me looking like he was fighting demons.

"I know you don't understand right now. I don't understand it either. Cat, I swear I don't know who those women were. I don't know how they got there and I swear I didn't sleep with them. I was at a bar, enjoying a beer with Miz and Kofi and the next thing I knew, you were hitting me while I was asleep."

"Don't understand."

"I know," he signed, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The struggle written across his face made my heart melt for him. I had no reason to believe him, but no reason not to either. Dean didn't strike me as being the type that would lie.

"You don't remember?" I asked.

"No, I don't."

I gave him a little grin. "Me neither. Like two peas."

"Two peas?"

"Alike."

"Oh, you mean like two peas in a pod."

"Yes!" I enthusiastically said.

He chuckled. A real, genuine chuckle. I reached out for his hand which he grasped as if his life depended on it. The moment his hand touched mine felt like fireworks. My breath caught in my throat as my heart started to race. I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way from a simple caress.

The look in his eyes told me he felt it, too. I gave his hand a squeeze, suddenly afraid he would vanish.

Dean leans over and oh-so-gently brushes his lips against my cheek. He lingers for a moment before kissing my damaged side. The act was so sweet and moving. Not even Seth had touched my wounds.

"Regardless...know that I love you," he said in a low, raspy tone.

I close my eyes as tiny kisses dot my forehead. "Okay."

"I've got to go," he says, reluctantly pulling away.

I squeeze his hand again, fearful of letting go. He pressed his forehead into mine and silently we breathe each other in.

"Don't leave me," I whispered.

It was the first sentence I've been able to get out without struggle.

"What do you think you're doing?" Seth's voice beamed into the room.

"I was just talking with her," Dean said as he pulled away from me.

My eyes widened as Seth looked livid. "No fight," I said.

"Cat, I know you don't quite get what's going on, but it's best if he leaves and doesn't return," Seth said.

"No, Dean stay," my eyes plead with him.

"Leave before I physically remove you from this room," Seth forcefully says.

"Really?" Dean cocked his head to the side. "Catrina wants me to stay."

"Catrina doesn't remember what you did. If she did, you know she would throw you out on your ass."

"No fight," I repeat, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.

Dean and Seth looked at each other hard for several minutes before Dean relaxed from his defensive state.

"I'm leaving now so I don't hurt your friend. I'm sorry," Dean told me.

"Me, too," I said.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean would only visit me if Seth wasn't around. Once he discovered that, Seth wouldn't leave me. His request for a leave of absence from work was approved so now he had no reason to go anywhere.

"Mean," I chastised him.

"Don't say that," Seth looked at me sadly. "I only want what's best for you. When you recover, you'll thank me."

I frowned. Somehow I doubted it but I trusted him.

"What are we?" I asked one day.

"What?" Seth looked up from the book he was reading.

"Us," I said.

"It's a little complicated," he turned slightly pink.

"Uncomplicate."

He looked at me for several minutes and sighed.

"You're my best friend in this entire world, Cat. We've been through a lot together over the course of ten years. We..." his voice trailed off.

"Love," I said.

"Yes," he nodded. "We love."

"You be here?" I asked.

"Always," he breathed out deeply.

I smiled warmly at him. "Okay."

He brushed back some of my hair, which was now cut short due to a recent surgery. "I wish I could make you understand what you mean to me."

I was getting tired of hearing that. Swallowing my frustrations, I nodded.

"I know," I assured him.

"You're my whole world, Catrina Marie. You may be broken right now, but I will help but you back together."

His words were comforting and frightening at the same time.

I went through a string of surgeries that left me weak. Seth told me that I was once a wrestler, but the damage to my left side would force me into early retirement. My hip and leg was repaired, but the doctor told me that I would always feel the affects from the accident. I would always be in some state of pain. He could just help me improve my quality of life.

The skin grafts were the worst part. I could deal with the pain from my bones and muscles, but the skin itch just about drove me crazy. I kept scratching and opening up the fresh skin. Once the itching and the swelling subsided, I was given a mirror to see myself.

Seth had shown me a picture of us from a year ago. The girl in the picture looked happy and in love wrapped in his arms. _Maybe we could get back there_, I thought.

"I was beautiful," I remarked.

"You still are," Seth assured me. "The most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"You sweet," I said.

I didn't look like the girl in the photo to me. I looked like someone trying to be her. I could see the lines from the surgery even though Seth assured me no one else could.

I wasn't the girl in the photo and I doubted I would be. But I wanted to be her.

The damage to my brain still worried me. The doctor wouldn't say it out loud, but I think it worried him, too. I undergone another surgery to stop a brain bleed and after more recovery time my speech started to improve again. My memory started to come back but it still felt like there were shadows moving around in my head, blocking things.

I asked about Dean one time and it made Seth incredibly angry. I felt bad and wouldn't ask again.

Eventually the casts came off my left side. I was beginning to feel as human as I felt. Seth told me that I had a roommate that recently moved out so when I was released from the hospital, he moved into the room across the hall from me.

I would still report to the hospital for therapy but I was thrilled to be in familiar surroundings. With Seth being close by, I felt warm, loved, and secure. He assured me he would go to any lengths he could to make sure I always felt like that.

We sat on the couch my first night back home. He went all out with dinner and renting a movie. I snuggled up to him, resting my head on his chest.

"Comfy?" he asked.

"Mmm," I murmured against him.

He wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head.

I stopped paying attention to the movie and focused on the rhythm of his heart beat. The heart is such a simple yet complicated thing. I held on to the sound and drifted off to sleep in his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

I woke up in my bed without recall of how I got there. Seth must have put me under the covers. I heard him snoring across the hall and grinned. It felt so familiar to me and I relaxed. I grabbed my robe and tiptoed past his room, careful not to wake him. All the lights were off in the house but a candle was lit on the kitchen table. The flickering of the shadows revealed the shadowy figure of a tall, muscular man. I stepped toward him not alarmed at his presence.

"I should've left hours ago," Dean said. "I watched you sleep. You looked so peaceful. I just wasn't ready to leave yet."

"I'm glad you're here," I said.

"Your speech is improving. How's your memory?"

"Comes and goes. Certain things...shadows and blank."

"Am I still a shadow?"

"Yes." and an confusing one.

"Your boy refused to let me in the hospital."

"Is that why you didn't come?"

"The only reason. The staff wouldn't let me past the doors."

I slowly approached him, standing by his side as he sat and watched the flickering candle.

"You're an angel," he said, looking up at me.

"Why do I miss you?" I asked.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I shouldn't be happy to hear that but I am."

"Why?" I asked.

"So many questions and I'm sure he isn't giving you any answers."

"He is," I said.

"Probably not the right ones," Dean said. "I don't fault him for what he's doing even though it's not right."

"How you mean?"

"He told you that your roommate moved out?" I nodded. "That was me. The only reason I left without a court order is to keep you from our fight."

"Why fight?"

"We're both in love with you," Dean admitted. "And this is his chance to get you to fall in love with him like he's always wanted you to. Seth is hoping with me out of the picture, you'll finally feel for him the way he does."

I scowled. "That's not right."

"No, it's not."

"And you?"

"I know the truth and I won't hide it from you to sway you in any particular way. If you love him, I'll back off. But I don't think you will."

Dean stood up and gently held my hips. It struck me for the first time that he's been the only one other than medical staff to touch the parts of me that was damaged by the car accident.

"You're in my blood, Cat. I'm biding my time so not to force myself on you while you are recovering, but I'm here. I'm never going to be far away unless you tell me to go."

"I don't want you to," I told him.

"You aren't damaged and you aren't broken," Dean said, looking so deep in my eyes he left me breathless. "Don't let anyone tell you that you are. You're perfect."

I felt it as I looked into his blue eyes.

"Step away from her," Seth's voice said from behind.

I slid an arm around Dean's waist, trying to shield him. "No."

"Cat, you don't know what you're saying. This man isn't what he seems," Seth said. "Trust me."

"You manipulative...I can't even call you a man after the way you've been acting," Dean spat.

"You're one to talk," Seth snapped. "Trying to twist her mind like this. Hiding in the shadows, acting like you're doing this out of love. You aren't owning up to the fact that you cheated on her and caused all this to begin with!"

"I never cheated on Cat," Dean defended. "I don't know what those women were doing in my bed but I didn't put them there."

"Oh, right. You don't remember," Seth condescendingly said. "How convenient."

"Nothing convenient about being drugged," Dean said.

"So you say," Seth flatly said.

"Enough," I said. "Please stop this."

My arm gripped Dean's hip as he tried to take a step toward Seth. My hand pressed against his chest, pleading with him not to fight.

"I'm going to prove my innocence then you won't have a leg to stand on, boy," Dean said through gritted teeth.

"Good luck with that," Seth said with a grin. "The only thing you'll prove is that I was right about you all along. You're a good for nothing street rat."

"Say that again," Dean pressed against my hold.

"You're a street mutt and when you die, no one will mourn you."

This time there was no holding Dean back. He moved out of my grasp without injuring me, lunging at Seth. The two men collided and tumbled, shattering the coffee table. Fists flew as they fought. Seth threw Dean into a lamp and broke a chair. Dean speared Seth to the ground, holding him by the throat.

"No, stop!" I yelled, pulling at Dean's shoulders. He looked up at me with wild eyes but got off of Seth.

"None of this, please," I said with tears rolling down my face. "I can't...I just can't deal with it."

"Oh, sweetheart," Seth scrambled up and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face into his chest and wept.

"I just can't," I murmured into him.

"And you won't have to," Dean said in a low voice. "Cat, remember what I told you." and with that, he disappeared.

Seth scooped me up in his arms and carried me back to bed. I cried in his arms as my body shook. He promised that everything would be alright and eventually I believed him. I pressed my body to his until the tears subsided. We fell asleep in my bed, locked in each other's arms.


	17. Chapter 17

My entire body felt sore as the sunlight streaming through my curtains woke me. Seth was curled up next to me, his head resting on my shoulder and arm draped on my waist. I lightly brushed some of his hair away from his face and smiled.

His brown eyes fluttered open and yawned.

"Morning," I greeted.

"Certainly is," he rubbed his cheek against my shoulder.

"I'm glad you're here," I told him.

"No where else I would rather be."

I stroked his cheek for a moment before bending down to kiss him. He hesitated for a moment before beginning to kiss me back.

"Cat," he pulled away to gaze into my eyes. "Are you sure?"

My hips tilted up to meet his as I stroked his neck and nodded.

"What about Dean?" he asked.

"Who?" I looked at him confused.

Seth smiled and shook his head. "Never mind."

My hips grind impatiently against his as he rolled completely on top of me. I softly moaned into his mouth as his tongue met mine. My skin felt like it was on fire as his hands stroked the length of my body before tugging down the straps of my tank top. He gave my breasts a squeeze, my nipples hardening under his touch.

I yanked his pajama bottoms off and began stroking him. I nibbled on his bottom lip as he grew increasingly harder in my hand.

"Damn, babe," he moaned, thrusting into my hand.

His movements was so sweet, so gentle. Almost as if he thought I was fragile and he would break me. We tasted and caressed each other until we couldn't take it anymore. He hitched up my leg and entered me. Our hearts seemed to be beating as one as he thrust into me. My nails grazed his back, pleading for more.

"You're sure you're alright?" he asked.

"Seth, please," I begged, wiggling underneath him.

That seemed to satisfy him. His thrusts increased in power and intensity. Sweat gleamed off of his shoulders and down his back. My body tensed up, legs beginning to shake. I came around him, making both of us shudder. He pulled out and spurt after spurt came on my stomach.

He rolled over, breathing heavily. After a few moments, he got up and gave me a towel to clean myself off.

"That's a great way to wake up," he said with a grin.

I was practically purring next to him. We laid in each others arms for a long time until the alarm on his cell started to go off.

"I hate to say this, but we've got to get going," he said.

I frowned. Today I was supposed to meet with Vince McMahon regarding what was to become of me. The doctor said I could never wrestle again. I didn't see what the point was in the meeting.

Still, I didn't argue. As much as I would've liked to stay in bed with Seth all day, I rolled out and he helped me get dressed.

"I don't need assistance anymore," I told him.

"Don't be stubborn. You're still not moving around great," he said.

I sighed. Eventually he'll stop treating me like a child which only made me feel worse after we had just made love. But I grimaced when I tried to tie my shoes.

"Need help?" he asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Yes," I sourly said.

"See, if you just let me help you, it'll make things easier," he said as he tied my laces.

We walked into the Performance Center and I was still amazed at the building. Triple H designed a magnificent learning center and just being inside made me feel honored.

Seth kissed my cheek as we separated. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tall blonde that had hair hanging down to his eyes which slightly curled at the end watching me. I couldn't explain it but I automatically felt nervous and a little frightened under his gaze.

"Catrina?" Vince's assistant called to my attention.

I turned bright red and followed her down the hallway into the offices. Vince rose from his desk and offered me his hand.

"Hey, pal," he greeted in his gruff voice. "How are you feeling?"

"Today or overall?" I asked.

He chuckled and offered me a seat. "I know the doctor said you couldn't wrestle again which I can completely understand. But I wanted to get your thoughts on, when you are ready of course, coming back to work."

"How?" I asked.

"Either as a manager or commentator. Maybe even stay in Florida and work with the NXT show."

"If I can be of use. I don't always talk good."

"That's what I've been told. We don't have to do anything today but I'd like to come up with a plan for you."

"I'd like that."

"Great! My thoughts were to have you manage one of our up and comers. Guy by the name of Dean Ambrose. I'm told you are familiar."

"No, sir," I shook my head. "The name doesn't ring a bell."

"Curious," Vince looked at me before shrugging. "Well, I know your memory isn't what it used to be and that's fine. You sure you don't remember?"

I searched the anvils of my mind and frowned. "I'm sorry, sir."

"Don't be. You're going to be fine, Catrina. We'll take care of you."

"Thank you," I rose and shook his hand.

I met up with Seth in the gym and began a light work out. It felt good to be getting back to a semi-regular routine. I told him what Vince said and Seth looked conflicted before saying that he was happy I would be kept in the mix.

The blonde I saw when I came in approached us. His face was set in a hard line and I automatically reached for Seth.

"Stay away from me," I cringed as he approached.

"It's okay, Cat. I'm not going to hurt you," the man said.

I shook my head and buried myself into Seth's shoulders.

"It's me, Dean. What's gotten into you?" he asked.

"Can we go?" I asked Seth.

"What did you do to make her afraid of me?" Dean asked Seth after looking into my eyes.

"_I_ didn't. She must've gotten scared after last night," Seth said.

"What are you talking about? What happened last night?" I asked.

"Don't you remember?" Seth asked.

"Remember what?" I asked.

"He broke into our home last night and we got into a tussle," Seth told me.

"You call that a tussle?" Dean said, his teeth clinched.

I tugged on Seth's arm to step away from him. Seth didn't budge instead laughed.

"I think I see what happened. I told you she still had a fragile mind and you pushed. Well, you pushed too hard and after she saw you with your hands wrapped around my throat, she completely blocked you out of her mind. And now you're scaring her," Seth wrapped an arm around me. I couldn't stop my body from shaking. "She's with me, Dean. She doesn't want you."

"Catrina..." Dean took a step closer to me but I pulled back.

"Please leave," I whimpered.

He balled up his hands into fists as he glared at Seth.

"Go ahead, throw a punch. Make her more scared of you," Seth taunted. "She's safe with me, Dean. There aren't any shadows here other than what you cast."

"He really choke you?" I asked.

It was only then that I noticed the bruises on Seth's neck. No wonder I was scared. If Dean could do that to a grown man, I couldn't help from wondering what he could do to me if he lost his temper.

"Catrina, I would never hurt you. You must know that," Dean insisted.

"I know nothing," I said. "Nothing."


	18. Chapter 18

_The house was completely still. I waited outside my parents bedroom door to make sure they were asleep. Their soft, steady breathing still made me hesitate before I crept back into my room and out of my window._

_Shadows were all around and seemed to follow me as I left my house in Ohio toward the playground I promised Dean I would meet him at._

_"Catrina!" he called me over to the swing set._

_I couldn't help but laugh at the over sized cowboy hat that hung over his eyes as he swung. _

_"Look at you, Cowboy," I giggled._

_"Well, you are from Texas. Thought I would make you feel at home."_

_He swung high up in the air and jumped off the swing. He rolled before standing upright but he managed to hold onto the hat._

_"Are you a cowboy or Indiana Jones?" I asked._

_Dean wiggled at me as he brushed off his jeans. The shirt he was wearing was two sizes too big for him but the jeans were tight. I giggled at the sixteen-year-old in front of me as he offered me his hand._

_"I'll let you decide what I am. I don't care as long as I'm yours."_

_"Smooth talker, Ambrose," I grinned. _

_"I mean it, Cat. You're so amazing. You...you're _perfect._"_

_Somewhere in the back of my head I heard his voice but it sounded older for some reason._

"You aren't damaged and you aren't broken. Don't let anyone tell you that you are. You're perfect."

I woke up with my heart racing out of control. Seth was sleeping soundly beside me, not snoring for once. I checked the clock on the night stand, silently groaning as I saw it was 2:30 am.

I didn't think I could get back to sleep after that. I hadn't told Seth, but I had been having dreams regarding the same boy over the last month. Each one is different but it felt real. I couldn't explain it.

I slipped out of bed and put on my robe. Seth stirred for a moment before settling back down.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I stared at a used candle that rested on the fireplace mantel. For a brief moment, I could visualize it lit and something seemed to trigger in the back of my mind.

The air in the house suddenly felt difficult to breathe so I walked out onto the porch. The cool breeze felt great against my skin as I took in several deep breaths.

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the backyard, but I felt like something was amiss.

"Hello?" I called into the darkness but got no response.

One month. I had been home for one month. The doctors have been amazed at my recovery. There are times when I can't seem to get out what I want to say but when I can talk, I don't have problems formulating my thoughts.

Seth had been amazing but something still didn't feel right. I tried to push my doubts aside, but the shadows in my mind kept playing tricks on me.

There was something out there waiting. Not dark and ominous as Seth would have me believe. I didn't know what it was, but I was searching for it.

"I don't know if I'm ready yet," I called into the nothingness. "I'm trying though. Be patient. I will find my way back to you."

I waited for several minutes almost expecting to hear something in the darkness, but was only greeted by silence. I chewed on my bottom lip and turned around.

"I am, too." a clear voice came through the night.

"Cowboy?" I called out.

"What...what did you call me?"

"Aren't you my Cowboy?" I asked.

Footsteps came closer to me until Dean came under the light from the porch.

"I was," he said. "A long time ago."

"But not anymore?" I approached him cautiously but he didn't move.

"Guess that's up to you," Dean said.

"I don't know who you are, but I can't seem to get you off of my mind."

We stood almost toe-to-toe but didn't touch. Dean looked into my eyes and I could clearly see the mixture of emotions in his.

"Cat?" Seth called in the house.

"I've got to go," I whispered. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Kitten, you can see me as much as you want."

"Performance Center tomorrow at one," I said over my shoulder as I went back into the house.


	19. Chapter 19

"You look like you're bouncing in the chair," Seth looked at me sideways in the car.

"You of all people should know I don't bounce very well," I joked.

He smiled at my teasing tone and held my hand. His eyes shined brightly at me as sat in the parked car.

"What?" I asked.

"There's just a glow about you, Cat. It's very good to see."

"Well, I've got a lot to be happy about," I said.

Two months ago I died in a car accident twice before I made it to the hospital. After so many surgeries I had lost count on, I finally was feeling like myself.

If only the shadows would completely go away.

Once we entered, I went into one of the promo rooms and did a few rounds with Bill DeMott.

"You're really doing well, Cat. You should be proud," Bill said.

"Thanks," I nodded.

After promos, I went out into the gym. Dean and I locked eyes but managed not to smile at one another.

"Good to see you, baby girl," Roman said as he entered.

The hulking Samoan gave me a bear hug that had me several feet off of the ground.

"Hey, be careful not to break her," Seth teased.

"She's not broken," Dean said.

"What?" My head snapped up.

"You're not broken, Cat," he repeated.

Tiny beads of sweat unexpectedly came across my brow even though I hadn't started on the cross trainer yet. We held each others gaze for a moment before I turned on the machine. After thirty minutes and covered with sweat, I started on squats.

"Feeling good?" Seth asked as he handed me a towel. I nodded. "Try not to overdo it, Cat."

"No, it helps," I assured him.

"Here," Dean said, handing me a water bottle.

Everything seemed to move slowly the next several seconds. As he handed me the water bottle, our fingers momentarily grazed. Electricity seemed to flow between us in that second. I gasped out loud, almost jumping back.

"You okay?" Seth looked at me in concern.

"Yeah, sorry," I said but my voice slightly shook.

Holy cow. That surge from just an accidental touch? My heart was pounding against my ribs. I was sure the others heard it too, but no one said anything.

But the look in Dean's eyes gave him away. He felt it, too. And I was sure his heart was beating just as hard as mine.


	20. Chapter 20

Several days later, I met up with AJ and the Bellas for lunch. AJ skipped up to the table, almost knocking it over with her energy. The tiny woman bounced in her seat more than usual.

"Alright, Spaz, what's up with you?" I affectionately asked.

"Can't tell," she said, grinning at me.

"Seriously, you just made me spill my drink," Nikki glared.

"I'm serious I can't say anything," AJ said.

"Spaz," I used my nickname for her again. "if you don't tell us, I'll get Miz to practice the figure four on you."

"No way," she grimaced. "You'd do it, too."

"Yeah, she would," Brie grinned.

"So out with it," I encouraged.

She sighed and tapped her fingers on the table as the waiter filled her glass of water.

"He's going to kill me if he finds out I told you," AJ said.

"Who?" Nikki leaned in, eager for gossip.

"Seth."

The twins exchanged excited looks at each other then over at me.

"AJ..." I raised an eyebrow.

"Well...I just came back from ring shopping with him," AJ said.

"Ring shopping?" Nikki squeaked.

"Shh!" AJ hushed. "Yes."

I knocked over my glass and water spilled everywhere. The three women jumped up and cursed.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Girl, you okay?" Brie asked.

No, I wasn't. As soon as the words left AJ's mouth, I felt lightheaded and uneasy. I couldn't keep my body from shaking.

"The color has completely drained from your face," Brie noted.

"You're hyperventilating. Deep breaths, Cat," Nikki said as she held my head in her hands.

One of the patrons at the restaurant introduced himself as a doctor and came over to help me. It took several minutes before I had calmed myself down enough to thank him.

"Girl, I hope you don't react like that when Seth proposes," AJ said.

That set me off again. This time I started hiccuping before I completely passed out.

When I awoke, I was lying on a cot in what appeared to be a small office. It took me several minutes to collect myself but when I sat up, I was staring into a pair of concerned blue eyes.

"Dean?" I looked at him in surprise.

"I'm not stalking you," he assured me. "Roman and I were having lunch when I saw you pass out. I managed to talk them out of sending you to the hospital."

"Thanks," I said, rubbing my temple.

He handed me a glass of water and sat down in a chair across from me.

"What happened?" Dean asked.

"AJ told me that Seth is apparently planning to pop the question."

I couldn't meet his eyes but could feel the tension radiating off of him. I sucked on my bottom lip and looked down at the floor but could see how white his knuckles from his fists.

"Are you going to say yes?" he finally asked.

"I don't know," my voice cracked.

"Catrina..."

"He's been so good to me, Dean," I finally looked up at him. "He's been so sweet and supportive-"

"Cat, no," Dean shook his head. "Don't marry him out of obligation."

"I do love him," I said.

"Do you?" he raised an eyebrow and ran his tongue across his bottom lip. "Is he what you've been searching for?"

"I don't know how to answer that question."

"It's a simple one. You should."

"It's not as simple as you would think."

"Loving someone and being in love are two different things, Cat."

"Seth has taken care of me."

"Are you in love with him?" Dean asked.

I looked blankly at him and didn't respond.

"If you were, you would've answered immediately."

"I don't have to justify myself to you or anyone," I defensively said.

"No...no, you don't. You're the one that has to sleep next to him every night. Only you don't, do you? You awake during the night, searching the darkness for answers. Shadows bringing you comfort and you feel guilty it's not him."

"Stop," I snapped.

"Struck a nerve?" Dean gave me a mischievous grin. "Tell me he makes you feel the fraction of the way you felt when our fingers touched. Tell me he's the one in your dreams at night and I'll stop."

When I didn't speak up, Dean's grin got bigger.

"That's what I thought, Cat."

I didn't know what to say or do, so I bolted out the door and the restaurant. My phone constantly buzzed in my pocket as I raced back to the house.

Seth wasn't home when I got there, thankfully. I had time to shower and regain my composure before he got home.

"Ah, good. You're home," Seth greeted me with a kiss as he entered. "Had a good lunch with the girls?"

"Yeah," I mustered a grin at him.

"Excellent. Tonight's gonna be a fun night."

"Why's that?" I asked curiously.

"Throwing a party in your honor," Seth smiled broadly at me. "Celebrate how well you're doing and the fact that you'll be back on the road soon."

The feeling of dread increased the more he spoke. I must've kept it from my face or Seth was too excited to notice. He kissed me again before heading out to finish his party planning.


	21. Chapter 21

My mind and heart was in turmoil. Yes, I was happy with Seth. I felt safe and secure when I was with him. We got each others jokes. I loved being around him. And I didn't doubt that I could marry him and be happy the rest of my life.

Only Dean was right. I still searched in the shadows in the crevasse of my mind. Something still felt off to me. And I couldn't get Dean off my mind.

It didn't make sense to me. Our relationship existed in fragments for me. I felt like I knew everything and nothing about him at the same time. Yet that spark I felt when we touched...

No. I was just nervous. Besides, I've never been able to answer what really happened between me and Dean. He swears he didn't actually sleep with the two women but I had no cause to believe otherwise.

I couldn't turn my back on Seth who was my best friend and savior. But...was it enough?

"God," Seth said in awe as I stepped into the living room. "You look amazing, Cat."

I turned bright red. "Thanks."

Seemed like the entire locker room came out for the party. Seth had rented out a large banquet hall and had really gone all out to make it special.

I was chatting with CM Punk when Dean approached, dragging Miz by the collar. He looked livid.

"Tell her," Dean said, letting go of Miz and shoving the man toward me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Seth, get over here. You need to hear this, too," Dean called.

"Is everything alright?" Punk asked.

"Tell them," Dean punched Miz on the back of his shoulder.

"Mike?" I prompted.

"Hey, what's this about?" Seth asked, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Punk backed away but stood nearby in case the situation escalated. Miz turned bright red and tried to take a step back but Dean grabbed him forcibly by the arms.

"Go on, coward. Tell her," Dean snapped.

Miz looked apologetically into my eyes. "Cat, I'm really sorry."

"What for?"

"It was supposed to be a gag, alright? Just some light-hearted fun."

"What was?"

Miz sighed and looked like he would rather be anywhere but here in that moment. "When you came home and found Dean in bed with those two girls..."

"The day of my accident?"

"Yeah, well...he was telling the truth. He didn't have sex with them."

I looked at Seth before back to Miz. "What did you do?"

"I...ah, hell, you're going to hate me forever."

"Or I might kill you." Dean said.

"Alright," Miz waved his hands in front of him. "I may have slipped something into his drink when we went out."

"You did what?" my anger flashed.

"It was a joke. A rib on the new guy. Getting him in trouble with his girlfriend is kinda...well it seemed funny at the time."

"Funny? Funny?" my voice rose. "I died! I had to be cut out of my car and I died several times. A part of me was killed in that car that I'll never get back."

"I'm so sorry. How was I to know?" Miz asked.

I punched him in his jaw and he fell to the ground. Satisfaction filled my face as I saw blood dripping from the corner of his mouth.

"You drugged him," I kicked him in the ribs twice before Seth could pull me off. "There will be hell to pay, Mizanin. Mark my words! There will be hell to pay!"

Seth and Punk dragged me outside and tried to calm me down, but it was no use. I had never been more livid in my life.

"Cat, take a deep breath," Seth said.

"You take a deep breath!" I shoved against his chest. "Do you realize what I lost?"

"Of course I do! And I'm angry, too, but look at everything you have now."

"What?" I sputtered.

Miz made the mistake and tried to approach me outside. I broke out of Seth's hold but Punk caught me before I could reach him. He pinned me against the brick building, keeping my arms to my side.

"Easy now, girl. I've got you," Punk said.

I glared past his shoulder but eventually nodded.

Roman took Miz out of the building to ensure I wouldn't kill him.

"Check on Dean," I told Punk.

"You sure?" he asked.

I gave his wrists a squeeze. "Yeah, take care of him for me."

Punk kissed my cheek before complying. I paced for a few moments before I could look at Seth.

"This is about him, isn't it?" he asked.

"Seth..."

"I was just fooling myself," he looked at me distraught. "I had hoped selfishly that you were really mine this time. But even when you didn't remember him..."

"Oh, Seth," my heart broke at the torture etched on his face. "You know I love you."

"Not the way I want you to. Not the way you love him."

"I don't know that."

"I do. I had been lying to myself that you felt the same way. Hell, I couldn't even calm you down and Punk could. What does that say?"

"You've done everything for me," I told him.

"And you still aren't in love with me."

With tears pouring down my cheeks, I admitted what was on my heart.

"I wish I was. It would make things so much easier if I was. I tried."

"I know you did."

We were both crying heavily now. I reached out for him and he walked into my arms, burying his face into my shoulder.

"Tell her," I heard Punk's voice from behind.

"What?" I asked.

"Seth, tell her what Dean just told me."

"What's he talking about?" I asked.

"There's no room for secrets. Not when there are pieces of the puzzle missing for Cat. Let her make her decision on her own. Tell her or I'll unleash Dean on you."

Seth pulled away from me and cursed under his breath. His eyes were red and swollen when he looked back at me.

"When...the accident. You were pregnant."


	22. Chapter 22

Air rushed out of my lungs as my knees buckled underneath me. Punk caught me before I hit the ground. In one motion, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me over to a bench.

"Are you sure?" I asked Punk.

"I'm so sorry," he said, the corner of his mouth quivering.

Pregnant. I was pregnant. With Dean's baby. Again. My mind felt broken as the words swirled around my head.

"Cat..."

"Why didn't you say something?" I asked, unable to meet Seth's eyes.

"I wanted to save you from the pain."

"Save me," I chuckled. The only reason I was steady was Punk's hands on me. "What else have you been keeping from me?"

"You were too-"

"If you use the word fragile, I will end you," I snapped.

"Not in a position to hear it," Seth elected to say.

"Tell me now," I said.

"I...I can't."

"She deserves to know. Or would you rather I tell her?" Punk asked.

"You know?" I asked.

"Tell her. I just..."

Punk rolled his eyes before turning back to me. His gaze softened as he gently rubbed up and down my arms.

"The injuries to your lower half was severe due to the seat belt."

I remembered. I had a huge scar on my abdomen that I'm told would always be there.

"I can't get pregnant again, can I?" I asked.

"No," Punk shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cat."

"And you knew," I looked over at Seth. "And all this talk from you lately about a future and family-"

"We still can. We can always adopt," Seth said.

We could but the future I had for us in my head was shattered. I leaned against Punk for a moment for support before whispering low in his ear. After a moment, he gave me a tight hug and left.

"I don't want this life," I told Seth. "You always feeling like I need to be protected. I'm not someone who likes being sheltered. I've taken care of myself all my life-"

"And look how great you did," Seth cut me off. "Living on the streets, in your car. Fighting for a meal, using your body to survive. You were dying when you met me-"

"And you pulled me from the gutters. I will never stop being grateful for what you did for me. But I don't regret my past the way you do."

"You don't remember your past!"

"I remember more than you think. You talk about how much you love me but you haven't looked at me the same since I told you. And you used the holes in my head to fill in blanks or leave it empty."

Seth turned white at my accusation. I snorted hard through my nostrils. That was confirmation enough.

"I want my life," I said. "Shadows and imperfections and puzzle pieces. I want it all. And I want to be whole."

"And you're not whole with me," Seth said.

"No, I'm not."

"Hey," Dean softly said as he walked toward us. "I'm sorry for intruding-"

"Why be sorry now?" Seth asked. "It's what you do, isn't it?"

"Do you know?" I asked.

"Yeah," he softly said. "Punk told me."

"How did Punk know?" I asked.

"I told Roman and Roman told him," Seth said.

"So you'll talk about this with everyone other than me," I dryly said.

"Cat, I know I've made a lot of mistakes-"

I couldn't hear any more. I clapped my hands together in frustration, cutting him off. "You damn right you have. And I'm so beyond done-"

"Don't say anything you will regret," Seth said.

"Okay," I paused and took a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt you because you mean so much to me. But I can't stay out of friendship or obligation. You're my best friend but I..I can't marry you. I'm sorry."

The tension between the three of us began to mount as silence consumed the area. It took several moments before Seth would respond.

"No, you have no reason to feel bad. You're completely right for how you feel. I'm sorry, too. I never meant to increase your pain."

"I know."

"Dean, you're right," Seth turned to him. "She's not broken. She's perfect. Only I didn't see it. Not the way you do until now." Seth looked back at me, wiping tears away. "If I could go back in time, I would, but I know that wouldn't change the outcome."

I slowly nodded toward him and frowned. Seth gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he went back inside. I had forgotten there was a party going on until I heard the music when he opened the doors.

Dean and I turned toward each other and didn't speak for several minutes. He took a step toward me and I jumped into his arms. We held each other tight, our hearts syncing together and beating as one.

Dean smiled at me before bending down to kiss me.

The moment his lips met mind, the shadows in my head cleared. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and goosebumps appeared on my skin. I gasped, air rushing out of my lungs to the point where I had to pull back.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Never been better."

"I see you," Dean grinned.

"Yeah, me too. You've never been clearer."


	23. Chapter 23

Everything happened in a whirlwind.

Seth and I stood together in a room full of our friends at the party and thanked them for coming. No other announcement was made, but I knew it would be the last time Seth and I appeared as united. The moment I let go of his hand, I lost my best friend. There was too much damage to be what we were. The look of regret and longing filled his eyes as I grabbed my jacket.

"Take care of you," I told him.

"Just be happy, Cat. Everything else will take care of itself," he told me.

I kissed his cheek and said my goodbyes. Dean was waiting outside, finishing a cigarette.

"Are you ready?" he asked. He wasn't just asking about leaving the party. My smile reached my ears as I reached for his hand.

We immediately drove to the airport and took the first flight out to Vegas. Nothing else seemed to matter when Dean called up one of his friends to pick us up. We found the first chapel on the strip and got married.

It might not have been the most traditional but we weren't traditional people. To us, we waited long enough. Nothing else mattered.

"I love you," I told him once we were in our hotel room. "My Cowboy."

Dean's grin made my stomach flip. "I love you back, Kitten."

We laid in bed cradling each other. My head rested on his bare chest, feeling completely content to be in his arms.

"You never gave up on me," I said, twirling around a strain of his hair in my fingers. "You were always there."

"I told you I would be. You're worth waiting for, Cat. It was worth all the hell just to have you here."

"Yeah?" I looked up into his eyes.

"Now I'll never have to be without you again."

"My husband," I bit my lip.

"So fucking sexy," he muttered before kissing me.

He rolled me onto my back and the kiss deepened. I groaned when his tongue met mine, my nipples automatically hardening before he even touched my breasts.

His teeth lightly grazed my chin and neck as he made his way down my chest. My back arched under him as his tongue rolled and sucked on each nipple. The sensations were incredible and almost had me ready too soon.

My hands stroked his muscular chest and abs, relishing the feel of his skin. His scent filled my nostrils and my toes curled under the attention he was giving my body. My hand wound through his hair, giving him a gentle tug.

He licked down my stomach, giving extra attention to each scar on my body. It felt like he was washing it away. I nearly jumped off the mattress when his tongue started licking my clit. I pulled harder on his hair, my body starting to wiggle. My hips grind against his mouth, pleading for more.

"You taste so incredibly sweet," his raspy voice muttered before devouring me more.

His nose gently teased me before he slid a finger, his mouth and hand working in tantrum against me. I came around him, my body completely shaking. He didn't wait until the tremors had stopped before he bumped the head of his dick against my clit and then filled me.

I rolled him onto his back and began to ride. His hand gripped my breasts as I moved. My hands covered his, interlocking our fingers. Before it became too much for either, Dean rolled me back over and took control, thrusting deeply inside me.

"Fuck, Dean!" I groaned.

We came together hard and exquisitely sweet. His forehead pressed against mine for several minutes as sweat rolled off of our bodies. Eventually he grew soft and pulled out. I curled up on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat.

I would never have to be apart from him again. My Cowboy was forever in my arms, just like he was in my heart.

There were no more shadows. Dean chased it all away.


	24. Chapter 24

It surprised me how fast life returned to normal when Dean and I got back from Vegas.

We threw a beach party to celebrate our nuptials. Afterward, we bought a house and began our lives together with a fresh start.

It took Seth and me over a year before we could be friends again. He eventually found love and Dean and I even attended his wedding.

I managed Dean in the WWE for many years before life on the road took too much of a toll on my body and retired. Now I'm a mainstay in Florida helping develop new talent for NXT.

The daughter I had at sixteen and was forced to give up found us several years ago. A beautiful young woman named Cassandra. I cried the moment I opened the door and saw her. There was no mistaking who she was even though WWE insisted on a blood test to prove paternity. She was the female version of Dean with a little bit of me mixed in.

We had a tearful reunion as I explained that I didn't want to give her up but was forced. Now that she was of age, the terms of the adoption no longer applied. It wasn't easy, but the three of us became a family.

I think we'll always feel the effects from the car accident, no matter how much time goes by. But it does get better. Dean and I were far from perfect, but together we were whole.

I was lucky enough to meet my soul mate at sixteen. And now it's been over forty years together. Our story may not be ideal, but it's unique and ours.

And, honestly, I wouldn't change a thing.


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate each and every review. Thinking about changing this into a publishable story with some changes.

In June, I have a romance coming out based on one of my past fan fictions. Find out news and release information at /KGStutts or .com

You can also follow me on Twitter at KGStutts

I'm still working on my Total Divas fic. Just been busy with getting a sci-fi book ready for an April release as well as my June romance.

If you have ideas or suggestions, please feel free to hit me up here or on Twitter. Thank you so much!


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